There'll Always Be An England - And Other Thoughts

I am way behind with my postings. Life has been busy. After 6 months of relative calm, following my two surgeries, I have returned to life full-force! I was fortunate in the storm of this economic chaos to be rehired by my former employer at Legendary Journeys. I am grateful to him for offering to take me back even though not two months earlier he had let one quarter of his workforce go. I am back in my old department putting together the components of group packaged tours. I am happy to be there. Right now, however, I am not there - I am in England! Not on company business, but on a personal journey to support my cousin Marion as she gets married to her college beau, some forty years after they first met and then drifted apart! I was not blessed with a sister but Marion is as close to one as I could have and I am thrilled to have been given the chance to be with her for this important milestone, taking place two days before her 60th birthday. People's legendary journeys will just have to wait a couple more weeks!!

Marion and I share many things, most notably our grandparents. Special folk who made indelible marks on our characters - traits that we delight in discovering again and again. We also share England, Christianity and an unfortunate propensity to beat ourselves up, diminish our self worth and carry the guilt of the world upon our shoulders. Strange really because we were not raised Catholic or Jewish! With no desire to assign blame we take full responsibility for these flaws and I for one intend to shake these monkeys off forever. I am convinced that I have come to England for a reason this time and move forward with that belief even if I do not clearly understand what that reason might be.

If I have learned anything since I last saw my special cousin in Spain 3 years ago, a few months before the world that I had created began to crumble and break apart, it would be that I have to be honest. Honest and True. Honest about who I am, what I want, where I have been and where I hope to go. And True, to myself, my beliefs, my longings and my desires. There is nothing more self-deprecating than living ones life to another's standards. There is no question that we are called to put others before ourselves, to live to serve, to give and share from our bounty. There is great question though about letting others be the measure of our lives, allowing them to take our passion and person, and bleeding us of worth to enhance their own standing in the world. A life of service is a life of balance and openness, a life lived in the moment and a life of great happiness.

This may all sound like pie in the sky. Too Utopian and too Pollyanna. The fact of the matter is that we only seem to go around life once and this term is too short to deny ourselves the opportunity of true happiness. Life beyond the one we know is a mystery to all, regardless of religion, so waiting to live later is doing ourselves and humankind a great disservice. If we cannot be accepted, loved and embraced for exactly who and what we are then we must constrain ourselves to move on to a place where we can be. This is a second marriage for Marion and I wish for her that happiness that comes from owning who she is and not putting up with anything that might make her feel anything other than loved, worthy and free. As I look back to my own broken relationships I acknowledge that some of my choices have hurt others and for that I am sorry. I cannot, however, feel responsible for that hurt beyond admitting my fault. I cannot restore their souls - I never could. It is for those that I have injured to forgive - or not; to go on - or to remain in their pain. Those that truly love me, like my mum, my dad and my daughter still love me unconditionally, despite my failings and my treachery. They love like we say God loves! I hope that Ken (with whom I shared 13 years) and Rosalene (the mother of my daughter) can one day love like that too, because they have influenced my life beyond measure and for that I will be forever grateful and I will remain a part of them forever. I bless today for Marion and her fiance David, for today is where we really live! The past is gone and the future is yet to come. And I bless Peter, her love of 28 years, knowing that he will find peace and joy when he is able to bless her in return with the knowledge that love endures all things and survives beyond the twists and turns of human emotion!

May love, joy and peace follow you - all the days of your life!

Geoff