Great Is Thy Faithfulness

Today is my mum's 77th birthday! It seems beyond the realm of possibility that this could be true. Was it not just a little while ago that I brought her a china tea set (that she still has) with my first paycheck from a summer job? Today all I could manage was some English 'treats' and my time. For as long as I can remember I have tried to run away from spending time. Since I was just a young teen I have felt that the things that were the core of me were things that I could not happily share. I was always leaving so that I could go and 'be myself'. I think I developed this state of mind because the religion that I was raised in told me that I was not right, not only was I a sinner like everyone else, but I was sin incarnate. My very being had to change in order to be right with the God that we worshipped. This was the cross that I had to bear. Not the struggle to rid myself of the dark blot of sin that consumed my life, but the struggle to believe that I was loved in spite of my affliction. Being gay in the 1960's was anything but 'gay'. Men that found love with other men were pitied and criminalized. They were given no hope of a happy life, no opportunity for authenticity and no chance to live in the freedom that other citizens enjoyed. Into this culture came a young man who desperately wanted to live, who yearned for acceptance and validation, who more than anything wanted to feel that he was living fully to the incredible potential that was seen in him by the one who loved him most - his mum.

Today I felt that. As I sat with my mum and talked and laughed about the journey of life I felt at peace. I have long been conscious of her acceptance of my sexuality, but until recently I have still felt that I was seen as one who needed to repent and come back to God. For many years I have struggled with my Christian faith because so much of Christendom still condemns me to hell and my mum and dad have been party to that way of thinking. It has taken a tremendous effort on the part of God to convince me that is not true. "Great is your faithfulness, Oh God. Morning by morning new mercies I see!" So now, as I sit with my mum I feel not only whole, but complete. I am able to share my perspective and am comfortable with the knowledge that my journey and my faith is as real and valid as hers . . . and I continue life, growing into that potential for good that has always been a part of who I am.

I may not be changing the world right now, in fact I am about to return to full time work with my old travel company. Someone there says that my coming back is an answer to her prayers. This confirms to me that I am on the right path, that my destiny is on track and that the part that I have to play is right for me - at this time and in this place. To know that is to know peace. I often felt that unless my life was influencing many then it's mission was not accomplished. I now know that as my life touches one person at a time the ripple effect can have unfathomable repercussions and it also helps to keep me humble! To have a mum that stands beside me and encourages me along the way is a blessing that cannot be measured! Her faith in me inspires me to higher ground and her faith in God has given me the foundation on which I have built my life. "Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow! Great is your faithfulness, Oh God - to me!"

Happy Birthday Mum!

With Love and Peace, Geoff